Monday, November 14, 2011

What if...

Besides Veronica's size (looking more like a 3-month old as opposed to an almost 7-month old), the only physical reminder of her extreme prematurity is a small scar on her abdomen.  We're not entirely sure what the scar is from but my guess is that it's from something that was taped to her skin - when you look at those early photos you can see how delicate, practically translucent, her skin was.  (If any of the micro preemie moms out there have an idea about the origin of the scar, please share if you will.) Anyway, every time I change Veronica's diaper, I see the scar and I am immediately reminded of her NICU stay and how far she has come.  I am still amazed and incredibly grateful that she is doing as well as she is.  But my mind has a tendency to wander at times and I begin to ask myself  'what if' questions.  Being connected with multiple micro preemie/preemie groups, I am constantly reading about prematurity issues.  I have read about all of the possible complications associated with prematurity and for most of those complication, if not all, the smallest and youngest babies are at greatest risk.  24 weekers such as Veronica definitely fall into that category.  I want so much for her to continue on the path she is on - medication free, growing, developing.....but what if, just what if that doesn't happen?  Or what if the worst is yet to come?  I would like to think that the fact that she has done so well up to this point means that she won't have any long term issues.  But nobody can say that for sure.  I try not to dwell on these thoughts because I know we are incredibly blessed....but to be honest, the thoughts and worries are never far from my mind. 


  1. Benjamin has a similar scar. I think it's from the sticker to keep the temperature probe on. I have friends with preemies who are 8 and they say you can still see the same scar a little when they get a suntan. Not the worst thing in the world. I'm amazed by how well they heal in general though - Ben's PDA scar looks like a little line on his back already.

  2. I am right there with you. I feel exactly how you are feeling. I wonder if and when we will see issues and sometimes the more I read, the more I worry. I'll have to look to see if I see similar scars on mine. My hubby pointed out little tiny scars on their hands and feet from all the poking :( I had not noticed. Hope she is feeling better and back to feeling herself.

  3. I have been following Veronica's blog for quite some time now! You must know she is AMAZING! She has been doing so well considering. What a strong baby girl you have! And I've always wanted to tell you congratulations on giving her breast milk! That's wonderful!
    I'm so sorry she is sick. I can sympathize. My son was born at 26 weeks and we're home just like you being ever so careful of RSV season.
    My son also has a tiny scar and it definitely looks like it is from a lead. Don't worry too much about that :)
    Good luck and I will keep following!

  4. Camdyn and Cade both have scars on their tummies from the tape that holds the leads. Camdyn's is a bit smaller, but Cade has a large scar. I think worrying is part of being a mom, and excessive worrying is part of being a micro-mom. It just comes with the territory. Try not to worry too much.

  5. I used to do the same thing when I would read about other micro preemies. Then I thought, "If I keep worrying like this, I'm probably going to start expecting the worst!"
    As you said, Veronica has had an impressive go for a 24 weeker. Honestly, I have never heard of one doing as well as she has. I agree with you that the fact she had such an uneventful NICU stay is a good sign that you probably don't have TOO much to worry about her future (of course, nothing can make a mom worry less about her kids...i love what Michelle true!)
    I understand the worry completely, but that girl of yours is ROCKIN' it!

  6. I'm new to your blog (New Years Day has me in search of micro-preemie connections); but my daughter is only a few months behind Veronica. Emma was born July 11th, at 23 weeks and 1 day (adjusted age now of almost 2 months).

    Anyway, I'm exactly where you are at with all the "what-if" questions. Today's concerns are lungs and teeth. I've also learned that we can only deal with the things we know right now and to take each day as it comes.

    Looking forward to watching Veronica's progress via your blog!